Fifty and Holding: RIP King of Pop

A year ago today, I heard the startling news that Michael Jackson was rumored to be dead. I couldn't believe it, my heart sank as if he was my own brother. It was unreal, but it was true.  Despite the fact that I had never even seen him in person, or attended any of his concerts, I felt as if I knew him. I grew up listening to his music. I sang and danced to the beat of  ABC, swayed to the soulful love ballad I'll be there, and sat thoughtfully listening to  Man in the Mirror. When he died he was Fifty and Holding, but he just wasn't able to hold on any longer.

When I heard of his death last year I wrote the following poem as a tribute to this man who was so much a musical part of the lives of many. I hope that it helps you to reflect a moment on the man and his music. Oh btw, I chose the above picture because it represents the Michael Jackson that had just become a man. This is the Michael that we all fell in love with.
Peace, and enjoy your weekend!

One of Many Tributes to Michael Jackson
By Trena Carpenter

I can’t say enough about you Michael,

You seemed like a brother to me.

I danced right along with you and your brothers

We sang to the song ABC.


We all know the Man in the Mirror

No matter if he’s Black or White.

And you know that we’ll always Rock with You

Whenever we go dancing all night.


I’ll Remember the Time when you moonwalked.

How you brandished that one white glove,

No one will ever forget you

Around the world you spread so much love.


Everything you did was a Thriller,

I guess now they’ll Leave You Alone

It’s hard to believe you’re out of my life now,

I just can’t believe that you’re gone.


It’s really a loss to the universe

Around the world there won’t be a dry eye

We won’t stop till we get enough Michael,

And we Never Can Say Goodbye!

Fifty and Holding:On being 50

Hello friends, I hope that this Wednesday has been good for you. I volunteer at a local hospital for a few hours on Wednesdays; it’s nice to feel needed. You know that I call this blog Fifty and Holding, and I thought that I’d tell you why. If you’ve read my profile you know that I’m actually 52 years old, but 50 was an interesting birthday for me. I found myself beginning to feel an urgency to hold on, to my youth, my sanity, my dreams. So from fifty onward I’ll be holding onto those things that I fear are slowly slipping away, henceforth, Fifty and Holding.

Folks say that age ain’t nothing but a number, maybe it’s true. I don’t really feel that I’m over fifty. One might ask, “How does fifty feel?” I’ll tell you it feels like you have to do everything that you haven’t done thus far, because time is of the essence. OK we all know that life has a beginning and inevitably for everyone there is an end. Yet there is something about being fifty that challenges one’s sense of being. One starts to question the hows and whys of this existence. I personally find myself looking over my life at those things that I should have done differently. I'm wondering how I can make up for the mistakes, the bad decisions, and in some cases, the indecision that thrust me into the bad places that scarred my psyche. “It’s not too late,” “It’s not too late!” that’s what everyone says when I lament about those goals that I have not yet accomplished. Well, perhaps it isn’t too late, but things are different now. I’ll give you an example. I thought that by this time in my life I’d be successful, at something. I thought that I’d have a successful career. I’m jobless now, but when I do get a job that develops into a career, can I work my way to the top, make a name for myself at 62 or 70? It’s not impossible, but I tell you there is a big difference in being a successful 30 year old and a successful 70 year old. Don’t get me wrong, I embrace the good in my life every chance that I get, but I’m just sharing with you those thoughts that come to me in the wee hours of the morning when my neck hurts and I can’t sleep.

Fifty is also a time discovery. I’ve always liked to dance and from time to time I get with friends (my friends are usually younger) and go out. We walk into the club and I look around, everyone looks like Beyonce, and I feel more akin to Della Reese (at least she was Touched by an Angel.) I stand around with my friends trying to be aloof, to appear unconcerned because Lord knows that I don’t want to be pegged as the old woman at the club. You know there are always one or two wearing stilettos and strapless dresses that are too short and too tight. They smile seductively at young men who brush them off. That’s not me, I’m there to dance, hear some good music, and go home. So eventually I’m asked to dance, I oblige, and then it’s on. The music picks me up and I dance like there’s no tomorrow. Gotta slow it down, are songs longer nowadays or what? I dance up a sweat, songs over, we smile and part ways. OH Lord, I’m looking around to see if my friends notice how out of breath I am. All the while I’m praying “Please Lord don’t let me have a heart attack and die up here in the club!” While I was dancing I thought I was the bomb, hanging with the younger folks, doing the damn thing. Standing on the wall recuperating from my workout , I noticed another sister on the dance floor, she looked to be around my age. Girlfriend was tearing it up sweating and dancing; I’m sure she thought that she too was da bomb. Then I thought did I look like that? She was dancing alright, but it looked like she was moving in slow motion. Sometimes the body just doesn’t do what the mind tells it to. I had just discovered that I’m a little too old and outta shape to attempt to drop it like it’s hot.  It's lukewarm at best, if not downright cold. I moved slowly away from the dance floor bought me a bottled water to go, and set out for home. No one would be expecting Beyonce there. Bed and my pillow would suffice for the night. Maybe I’ll try it again another time.

Well, friends I hope that I haven’t bored you with my musings. I’m just trying to tell you how it is for me. If you’ve not yet reached 50, don’t be scured (yes I said scured) you’ll still be you. It’s not bad, but things do change. Please feel free to comment or share, let me know that you’re feeling me, or not…Share the link to my blog with friends and family. Nite, Nite.

Fifty and Holding:With No Job

Hellooo is anybody out there? It's me again. Today has been quite uneventful. I worked on getting the blog page up to par. It's coming along nicely, don't you think? Did I mention that I'm unemployed? Well I am, and have been for quite a while. I truly do believe that part of the problem is my age. I know that age discrimination is against the law, but it really does exist. It's a nasty little Human Resources secret that no one can prove. I'm over fifty, that's kinda hard to say out loud. Wow, and it does matter. Anyway back to having no job. You know I have done most of what the so called "experts" have suggested. I've networked, joined organizations, changed resumes, participated in groups for the unemployed, attended job fairs, volunteered. You name it and I've probably done it. I watch Good Morning America and good ole Tory Johnson, the job guru, has lots of advise that hasn't done me a bit of good. Perhaps I should start my own business. With bad credit and no job surely I can get a small business loan...Yeah right. Then there's that retraining suggestion. I completed my BS about three years ago so as to be more competitive in the job market. And now folks are talking about going back to school for retraining. I have years of experience , I have my degree, experience, reliability and I'm very computer savvy. Yet some of the rejection letters that I've received say that I have only met the minimum qualifications for an Admin Assistant., but there were those better qualified. Today I passed some men on the street taking a lunch break, they looked tired and hot and for a minute, I almost felt sorry for them. Then I remembered , they have jobs.

I do want to work, and I'm trying not to take a job just to have one. At this stage in my life it is very important to have a career that is meaningful. OK, I know that in 97 degree weather it is meaningful to keep the air conditioner running. But, I don't think I'm asking for much. The job market is bad, but I see that there are jobs out there. Folks are getting hired. Who do I need to know?  In my quest to network I've spoken with people who could perhaps point me in the right direction, perhaps even get me an interview. They are always sympathetic, but never truly helpful. I'm not asking anyone to give me a job, I just want an interview. Everyday is the same, when I return from running errands or volunteering I check my phone for messages. I can tell you this for sure, bill collectors always leave messages 1,2,3,maybe even 5 or 6. For what it's worth, they are at least consistent. Bill collectors call everyday, even on Sunday... Perhaps my lack of employment will drive me to discover something worth millions, or to write a best seller. I know, I'll check my pockets for a little change. If I can find a dollar I can buy a lottery ticket...Anyhoo cya tomorrow. Maybe I'll get a call for an interview in between the bill collector calls.....I'm still hopeful.

Welcome to Fifty and Holding

First a little bit about me. I'm a 52 year old married woman. I have one 28 year old son. I've been married for a very long time. I've never divorced. Both of my parents are still alive. I have two sisters,and some very good friends. I've decided to write this blog for those of you out there who are like me. Sometimes I really just have no idea what to do. Women our age have so much to deal with: menopause, mental pause, lack of energy, lack of desire, unemployment, illness, weight issues,loneliness...whew! I thought it would be nice to create a place where we can share. Sometimes you just want to know that you're not alone in your trials and tribulations. Here at Fifty and Holding it's all about sharing, and caring. Maybe we can help each other through tough times, or just share good ones. I hope you'll enjoy it here. Until next time..remember you're not the only one feelin the way you're feelin. Talk to ya soon!